The Best of 2007: Breaking up is hard to do....TWICE!

I don’t think anyone was happier to ring in 2008 than I was. If only for the fact it meant the end of 2007. Much like a tsunami 2007 started out as gentle waves upon sand that was my life but ended by laying waste to my self confidence, emotional well being and what was left of my mental health.

Things started to go down hill rapidly right after the break up with the x-BF. Even though we were broken up we still had to live together because there was 6 months left on the lease. I know what you’re thinking, “Why didn’t he move out?” (God knows how many times I heard that during this ordeal from friends and my own conscience.) Well, even though he wanted to break up he didn’t exactly think the plan all the way through. He had no money saved up to get a new place, let alone a new place to go. So we were stuck. To be perfectly honest I wasn’t ready to let him go. Even to the point where we shared a bed for a couple of weeks after the break up upon my disturbed request. But we thought we could make it work. You know, sort of the way a three hundred pound woman thinks she can fit into a size six pair of slacks. They may stretch but eventually something’s going to give and everything comes out.

Soon we moved his stuff upstairs to the third floor bedroom and for a while we lived in polite restraint. We stilled cooked dinner together sometimes, watched TV, we left the joint checking account open to pay the bills (that was the only move that made sense) and let each other know where we were going and when we would be back. It was almost like nothing ever happened. Sick, huh? Eventually the denial wore off and the x-BF started seeing someone while we were still living together (some nights not coming home at all.) Now in the beginning, we made an agreement that we would not bring anyone into the house (sans close friends.) It was to be our neutral zone, a place where we each could deal with things without the outside world interfering. Well, one day the world kicked down the door, smacked me around and started fucking my x-boyfriend right in front of me! At that point the restraints were off and the gloves were on. We had at it!

Now to be fair I don’t remember all of the argument (I’ve probably blocked it out like the first time I saw my grandmother naked.) But my side was this; if he wanted to date, carry on and have a life of his own he should leave. I felt by him seeing someone else, not that long after we broke up mind you, was throwing our three and half year relationship up in my face as if it meant nothing. I at least had the decency to wait until he was out of town to get laid and not parade it around like new Milanos. After much yelling and a lot of tears a deal was struck. The new ‘person’ was kept under wraps for the duration of our stay in the house.

After that things didn’t get any easier. There were more fights and more tears. Soon there was hardly any talking at all. During one of the arguments I told the x-BF had he moved out when he broke up with me we probably could have started to be friends again. But I’m not sure that will ever happen.

When we finally did move out, he left first. For me, it was like breaking up all over again. Even though we weren’t together, he was still there and some where in the back of my mind I probably thought there was still potential. But there wasn’t and I see now that’s a good thing. I’ve lived on my own before and I can do it again and I am. But once in a while it would be nice to fill that empty space next to me in bed with someone other than the cat.

Next Up: Did I mention I got laid? Don’t ask!