My date with Ben & Jerry

One of the hardest things about a break-up is not divvying up things you have collected together of the years or feeling the emptiness on the other side of the bed you both shared; which, by the way, the cat has gleefully claimed as his own. It’s those times when your formerly significant other has plans for the evening (weekend, etc.) and you don’t. This feeling of loserdom is double for me because the x-bf and I still share house. Please don’t ask why he’s still here, it’s way too complicated. Even I don’t understand it most of the time. Just thinking about it gives me a headache. Moving on!

You can’t ignore that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach you have while you watch him prance about the house happily getting ready for a night out on the town. In the meantime, your plans consist of flipping through channels at high speed trying to find one non-reality based TV show, deciding which pizza topping you’re in the mood for and watching the cat chase invisible things through out the house, all the time looking at you like. “What? You don’t see them? They’re everywhere!” This was my Saturday night.

I did have several generous offers from most, if not, all my friends to come and visit them anytime I wanted. It was a very kind and wonderful gesture from all of them. But I chose to go it alone. For as loving as my friend’s offer was, I had to do this on my own. And I knew there would be a time down the road when they would all be busy with their own lives and I would have nowhere to go. I chose to endure this part of the break-up now rather than later. I had to deal with the situation rather than run away from it. So I did what any self-respecting gay man would have done when faced with such a circumstance. I went shopping.

You see the x-bf was having his friends meet him at the house before their evening out. The last thing I wanted to do that night was to put on a dog and pony show for guests. Pretending like nothing had happened, sitting through snippets of polite conversation followed by long, drawn out moments of awkward silence. I just as soon open a Quizno’s in Fallujah than sit through that. So I grabbed my keys, my wallet and left.

After a not so quick trip to Barnes & Noble and Wegmans grocery store to pick up my date for the evening (i.e. Ben AND Jerry.) I made my way home. Trying to take the longest route possible as not to hurry back. The only thing worse than being there when his guests arrived, is walking in the middle of everyone laughing and having a good time knowing you’re not a part of it. Luckily, when I arrived home the place was empty. The only sign they had been there were empty cocktail glasses with swizzle sticks by the sink. I unpacked the ice cream and the book I had bought and settled down in the living room. I turned the TV on, opened the ice cream and prepared myself for a quiet evening at home. Even with the cats by my side the house felt empty. I would have to get use to this because after the x-bf moves out this is how it’s going to feel for while. But I have done it before and I can do it again. All it’ll take is a little hope, a little strength, support of good friends and A LOT of Ben & Jerry’s.