We're all backed up here!

For weeks now I have toiled over what to write for this blog. It’s not for the lack of material plenty of stuff has happened over the last few weeks. Remind me to tell you about the guy who came to the garage sale looking for wax lips and knives. You can’t make this shit up! I’ve taken tons of notes and started several outlines for what are soon to be (of course) brilliantly witty and insightful essays. But instead I have become creatively impotent! You’ve seen what’s been happening! All I have been able to manage is freakin’ haiku for Pete’s sake! Now get me wrong, this has never happened before and I usually write with a BIG pen! See? Even that right there was a sad attempt at humor. Something has to be done! So I came with a genius idea!

I decided to write about not writing. I know for some of you this could be a VERY dull and unpleasant experience, so you’re excused. Go get a sandwich or something. But for the rest of you, sit your asses down and shut up while I wax pathetic. Get those looks off of your faces and don’t roll your eyes at me! You’re the ones who are still reading, you have no one to blame but yourselves!

Now I’ve heard of ‘Writer’s Block’ but I’m not sure if this is it. It’s not like I can’t think of something to write, which seems to me more like ‘Writer’s Blank’. It’s more like ‘Writer’s Constipation’, it’s all in there but it won’t come out! Even now I’m struggling to come up what to write next. There! See? I just dropped off for a little bit and hopped into the Gay.com chat room. I’m easily distracted these days.

It’s like I’m back in college again and I have an art project due tomorrow morning. I would do almost anything NOT to do the assignment right away. One of my roommates in college was an economics major and we both had assignments do the next day. So on my suggestion we both cleaned and re-arranged our room at 2:30am. But thee was still time to waste, so we hopped in his car and went to the grocery store to get provisions for when we were ready to start our work. Well, after downing a few cans of Mountain Dew, a box of Honeycombs and watching an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation we were ready to work! As everyone was leaving for breakfast and 8am classes, we had second thoughts about the way we spent the 5-½ hours. So the moral of the story is, never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Yeah, that’s junk! The moral of the story is my roommate got a B- on his 10-page paper entitled ‘Bull versus a Bear Market: Who’s going to fuck you first?’ And I got an A+ on minimalist socially conscience poster, a big black dot in the middle of a white sheet of Bristol paper with red letters underneath saying ‘Ozone? What’s missing?’ Concept, design and execution took me 45 minutes. Maybe I work best under pressure?

Well, this helped a lot! Thank god! How embarrassing would it be for me to start my new gig as a freelance writer with a case of ‘Writer’s Constipation’? PHEW!