Here’s something you don’t hear every day….

The story I'm about to tell you is, for the most part, true. Well, really only one part of it is true. It seems that none of my family can get or give my any of the facts of this little piece of folklore. But there is one fraction of the tale they can all agree on. When my family moved up here from the back woods of Pennsylvania, they received a free horse with the purchase of their first TV. It was a pony actually, but still, it was free! Here’s come the fiction…

When my family moved up here from a little hollow in the woods called Artemus, Pennsylvania they didn’t have much, mainly because they didn’t start out with much. My grandparents made their way to upstate New York with a few belongings, 6 kids, a car with no brakes, bottle of ‘shine and a dream. Of course the dream at that time was hoping the law wouldn’t catch up to them, that’s another story. You see my Grandpap (Luther) fancied himself a gambler. So did everyone who played cards with him because as soon as he sat down at the table they knew it was only a matter of time before his money was their money. While Grandpap was out drinking and “playing” cards Grandma (Helen) was home with children. But their measly savings began to sink like a rock, Grandma, being the survivor she was went to work. Now Grandma was a tremendous cook! She could make virtually ANYTHING! Soon she landed a job as a cook at the local Country Club. It was hard work but it was good money for the day and being from hillbilly country more than enough to support her family. Living on a farm Grandma knew how to make use of ALL the parts of an animal and make it stretch (ya know what I mean?)

With all the money Grandma was making she decided to put some money aside (more like hide it from Grandpap) and save up for something nice for the family. Now being a modern workingwoman of the 50’s she decided the family needed a television. If only to shut the children up so she could get some peace and quiet.

As I recall my grandmother telling me her version of this story, this was to be their first television. But my mother and aunt claimed they had one before moving up here. Now I have seen Artemus, Pennsylvania, the house they use to live in and the two-seater outhouse to go with it. I’m thinking Grandma plotted those kids in front of a window and told them THAT was television. What did they know? They use to play in manure piles for fun and rode pigs.

Finally the day came when Grandma saved up enough money for the new TV. One bright shining morning before work, she hopped into the car with no brakes and motored off to town to make her purchase. As she rolled into the parking lot she saw the big shiny sign of the appliance store “Herman Bros.” She went into the store and looked around. Granted Grandma didn’t know much about modern conveniences, her washing machine still had a ringer. So she asked a young man behind the counter to help her pick out a television set. He showed her BOTH models they had for sale that day. Grandma chose a 5-foot tall Zenith cabinet TV with a 9-inch black and white screen. It was beautiful! Herman Brother’s was having special on that particular set that day, a free gift and home delivery for only $75. Grandma was so excited she could hardly contain herself. She paid for set, grabbed the receipt, and ran off to the Country Club. She spent the rest of the day with a big grin on her face. She could hardly wait for the children to see what she had bought them. The best part was it was paid for out right, it was theirs and no one could take it away.

Herman Brother’s had said they would deliver the TV and the free gift around 10am the next day. So that morning Grandma lined up the children in the front yard for the big surprise. Grandpap was still sleeping off the “card game” from the night before and would miss the big unveiling. The children began to squeal as they saw a big truck coming down the road, with a cloud of dust behind it and the words “Herman Bros.” emblazoned across the side. The truck got closer and closer until it reached the front of the house and stopped right there in front of Grandma and the children. A burly old man jumped out of the front of the truck walked up to my grandmother to have her sign the manifest. She quickly signed the paper and stepped back to where the children were standing. As the man unlatched the back of the truck the whole began prancing as the man was opening a giant Christmas present. As the door on the back of the truck opened they saw it, the big, bright, shiny new 5-foot tall Zenith cabinet TV with a 9-inch black and white screen. And right behind it was the horse (or pony.)

She couldn’t believe it! The free gift was a HORSE! Now you have to remember this was upstate New York in the 1950’s, most of the area was farm country. In most of those homes a horse was a welcome gift. But my Grandmother was in shock! Not only did she get a free horse with her big, bright, shiny new 5-foot tall Zenith cabinet TV with a 9-inch black and white screen, she signed for it! What was she going to do? What was she going to tell my Grandfather? My Grandmother being a cool cookie under pressure did what any sensible woman would do in her situation. She hid the horse in the cellar.

It took my Grandpap 3 days discover they had a TV in the house and a week to discover the horse. They did have him convinced at one point that it was just a big dog but all it took was for the horse to kick him once and that was that. Grandpap quickly sobered up and found a local farmer to buy the horse. The children were disappointed for a bit but my Grandma explain to them it wasn’t really sensible to have a horse around the house. The children pouted for a while and sobbed as they watched their horse ride away in the back of an old hay wagon. Then they noticed it was 4 o’clock, it was Howdy Doody time and all was right with the world.