12 REASONS CONSERVATIVES OPPOSE GAY MARRIAGE:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses,polyester, and birth control.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because theyproduce children. Infertile couples and old peoplecan't legally get married because the world needs morechildren.

3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children,since straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gaymarriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hourjust-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long timeand hasn't changed at all; women are property, blackscan't marry whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not thecourts, because the majority-elected legislatures, notcourts, have historically protected the rights of theminorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In atheocracy like ours, the values of one religion areimposed on the entire country That's why we have onlyone religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, inthe same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to allkinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marrytheir pets because a dog has legal standing and cansign a marriage contract.

10. Children can never succeed without a male and afemale role model at home. That's why single parentsare forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation ofsociety. Heterosexual marriage has been around for along time, and we could never adapt to new socialnorms because we haven't adapted to things like carsor longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefitsas marriage with a different name are better, becausea "separate but equal" institution is alwaysconstitutional. Separate schools for African-Americansworked just as well as separate marriages for gays andlesbians will.