Who was that masked man!?

Recently I saw the movie Kick-Ass, the basic premise is about a guy who wants to be a super hero. To get the plot started the main character asks a simple but poignant question, “How come no one has ever tried being a super hero?” When I heard those words come from the actor’s giant head on the Cineplex monster screen my first thought was….YEAH!?

For decades people have been reading about, writing about, watching, filming, listening to and drawing super heroes. In a way it’s sort unbelievable that no one has donned a cape and tights in the name of justice. Yes, we do have people in uniforms that do heroic things every like Firemen, Policemen, Soldiers and anyone working I the fast food industry. But I’m talking about grappling hooked, utility belt wearing, trained in hand to hand combat, over muscled, laser eyed SUPER heroes! Where are they!? I know there are people out there who play at being super heroes. They’re called LARPers (Live Action Role Playing nerds.) and they don’t count! At least not until they move out of their parent’s basement and date someone who is three dimensional.

I’m talking about someone who leaps out of nowhere when you least expect it to save the day. He (or she or they) fights crime and injustice with his bare hands or at least some sort of weird alien arsenal or a funky super power like shooting an industrial strength sticky substance from their elbows. How is it in an age of iPhones and wireless laptops that no one has come up a suit that can make a man fly? Or a chemical that gives someone super human abilities? Well, there are steroids but who wants acne on their back and rage issues just to be able to lift a Volkswagen. At that point you just become a zitty teenage version of the Hulk minus the green skin and with a pile of other problems that still don’t allow you to get the girl. Scientists spend a huge amount of time coming up with a new pill that prolong female orgasms or prevent erectile dysfunction but they can’t come up with a way for me to cut a steel girder in half just by looking at it! Come on!

Where are the Batmen? The Hulks? Spidermen? Wonder Women? I’m still waiting for that faster than a speeding bullet moment which is publicly acceptable. We do have people who do super human feats everyday but it’s never to rescue anyone or to foil a dastardly plot. They usually do it for the “rush” or “because it was there” or “money” not to help their fellow man. They should use their powers for good! Hey, “spider-guy” instead of scaling that forty story building for the “thrill” of it all try throwing on a flame retardant suit and save someone from the third floor of a burning home! Maybe then they won’t arrest you when you come down. We all should try it. Next time you see an injustice even the smallest one, STAND UP…DO SOMETHING! SAY SOMETHING! I’m not asking you to stop an out- of -control eighteen wheeler heading for a bus load nuns, orphans and puppies with big sad eyes in wheelchairs. But if you see someone with a flat tire on the side of the highway.. stop and help. If you see a bunch of kids picking on someone smaller than them, stop it. Give to a charity, volunteer, help an old lady across the street…ANYTHING! Pick up a wrapper, save the world.