Did You Hear That?

Ok, I’m just going to come right out and say it. We have a ghost. I know…I know… it sounds strange but hear me out. The kind of ghost we have is not like a Scooby Doo ghost, a Ghostbusters ghost or anything from the Poltergeist movies. He or she is a spirit of simple needs who just requires acknowledgement now and again. Now that being said when we don’t pay “Casper” some attention we do hear about it.

We became aware of our other “roommate” a few years ago. There was no big revelation or incident or even encounter to let us know they were there. At first the signs started off as nothing out of the ordinary. They were just a bunch of little things over time which made us question our memory, actions and environment. Did I move that? What was that? It must be the people downstairs. Hmmm…it’s a little chilly in here (when it’s 70 degrees by the way.) You know stuff like that. Of course we being of the living are not very good at picking up hints from someone who we can’t see. So the spirit had to take a less than subtle approach to getting our attention.

There was the time the F.G.S. went to his room after taking a shower and heard the sound of water running coming from the sink in the bathroom. While he was in there he didn’t brush his teeth, do his hair or go anywhere near the sink in the bathroom. He went from the shower, dried and straight to his room non-stop. But the faucet had somehow turned on by its self. When he told me this I thought he may have just forgotten he had turned on the water for some reason or another. That was until one day I noticed some of the furniture in the living room had re-arranged by itself. One afternoon I was looking for something and remembered I had left it in the closet in the living room. In order for me to get at it I needed to move a chair which was positioned in front of the closet. So I pushed the chair aside, got what I needed out of the closet and put the chair back in the same spot. I left the room for a while but when I came back the chair was no longer where I put it. It had been moved out about 4 feet away from the closet door. If that wasn’t enough the coffee table had been moved away from the couch as well. Apparently “Casper” thought I might miss their ectoplasmic fung shui –ing of the room with just the one chair they had to move two pieces of furniture. When we brushed off those incidents “Casper” was not happy.

A few months ago when the F.G.S was working overnight at the hospital a certain “incident” occurred. There was nothing special about that night that I can remember. It was a typical Saturday night for me I made some dinner, watched TV into the wee hours of the morning dozing on and off. I know what you’re thinking but Saturday nights I don’t usually go out or drink. It’s my day to stay in and recharge. Anyway, that night around 2:30am I woke up, peeled myself off of the couch, turned the TV and went to bed. Not too long after falling asleep I heard my bedroom door rattle slightly. I didn’t think anything of it because even thought the apartment has been renovated there still a little bit of a draft. So I rolled over and fell back to sleep. It wasn’t until it sounded like someone was trying to break the door down that I shot of bed and took notice. Of course in foolish horror movie fashion I went to the door and opened it to see if anyone was on the other side. No one was there but I got “Casper’s” message.

Much like most of “Casper” just wanted a little attention and to be acknowledged. So we “act” like “Casper” is just another roommate who is allowing us to live here. I know that nights I’m home alone I let “Casper” I appreciate them. Before I go to bed I thank them for their consideration and ask politely if they could let me sleep through the night (commence laughter.) Since we’ve been showing “Casper” some love we haven’t had any problems. Oh, door bell…hmm no one there. Very funny!

That's SO 2014!

For me 2014 was to say the least a learning experience. To say the most I felt like an unwilling participant in God’s own version of “Calvin Ball” (look it up and that line will be hilarious!) But 2014 gave me a new perspective on 2015 and a bit of the focus I didn’t have before to forward.

In 2014 I had everything planned out or at least close to it. That year I worked, planned and saved in order to move out west which I eventually did. But the grand plan I had laid out for my life was interrupted by well…life. With a mix of culture shock, lack of job opportunities and no grasp the majesty for state I ended up coming back home. Some people may have seen this as a monumental failure on my part. After all no one in their right mind just picks up and moves to another state without as much as one job prospect. Well I did and I don’t regret it. I did what most people just talk about doing. Would I have liked it to have it all work out? Sure I would have but sometimes they’re not meant to. Sometimes things like this are meant to give you a new perspective and a new appreciation for where belonged in the first place. Like the Rolling Stones said, “You can’t always get what you want …you get what you need.” That was my 2014, a year of determination, reflection and perspective. In the end I got what I needed. Kind of deep huh?

Now that we’re into 2015 I’m coming into the year with a whole new attitude (not to worry I can still be cranky ol’ bastard.) I can’t let things bog me down. Before I use to worry about everything; things like the who, what, when, why and how of almost anything I wanted to do. But now my only concern is getting what I need to live the life I want to. Last year I took a huge risk and it didn’t pan out. When you have a huge failure like that happen whatever happens to me this year should be cake. Yes, I said “failure.” Failing at something isn’t a bad thing. It’s how people learn. It’s how people evolve. I have a new found desire for things I want to do; where before I was afraid to try now I’m not. Well, maybe a little nervous but still I’m going to try. And now I’m not afraid to be a little unconventional in my approach. It’s a whole new start and a whole new year. 2015 will be the year where I try and may very well fail but at least I will have tried. I do seem to do better in the odd year though.

2015 Resolutions:
1. Write more!
2. Read more!
3. See a Broadway show on Broadway (or off-Broadway.)
4. Find a new job a bit closer to my future career.
5. Experience the Jewish culture.
6. Attend one of Imani's sermon.
7. Learn to play something on the banjo.
8. Get a piece professionally published.
9. Be more creative.
10. Enter at least 2 writing contests.
11. Go to Custom Brew Crafters.
12. Obtain a freelance job as a Web Content Specialist.
13. Find a good soul food place in Rochester (searching for REAL fried chicken.)
14. Use the crock pot (still!)
15. Attend yoga classes.
16. Exercise more and be healthier.
17. Write a one act play.
18. Save money and pay off debt.
19. Take a wine tour (this HAS to be done.)
20. Go to an RPO concert.
21. See a ballet.
22. Go to more galleries and museums.
23. Go back to Toronto (at least twice.)
24. Go back to Ithaca.
25. Go back to Saratoga.
26. Visit Montreal (meet Chuck Hughes!)
27. Try to get back to England.
28. Walk more.
29. Change my life.
30. Stick to my principles.
31. Learn more things.

Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward...

I’ve started writing this post about two or three times now and each time I would begin a good sarcastic rant something would pull me back. My full intent was to get on a full on venomous holiday tirade complete with Christmas trees a burnin’, “accident” prone Santas, pornographic cookies and shopping mall smack downs. But then I decided to focus on the good I’ve seen around me lately. Not in ME but AROUND me. I have a rep to up hold after all.

At this time of we all seem to get more and more caught up in the tsunami of commercialism, self privilege and indulgence of this season. These days Christmas starts in August with the retail stores proudly displaying artificial trees, baking goods and “holiday discounts.” Soon after the radio stations start to drown the airwaves with confectionery multi-genre yuletide tunes. B y December 25th instead of dreaming about Sugar Plum Fairies you dream about impaling Kelly Clarkson, Josh Groban and Bing Crosby with a snow plow front mounted with spikes. Along with all of this “joy” and “spirit” of the season come repetitive TV specials, ugly sweater parties and uncomfortable office holiday lunches. But among the blinding holiday lights there are still small glimmers of hope for humanity. There are still twinges of peace on earth, good will toward men and women this time of year.

I’ve heard tell lately of some of these little tales of human inspiration and sense of good. One of these stories was of daughters and mothers and sisters and how sacrifices are made. The sacrifices made were by the two sisters. One sister’s sacrifice was giving up her child for a better life that more than likely she could not provide for her daughter given her current circumstances. It’s never easy to give up your child no matter what the situation. The other sister sacrificed a bit of her life and freedom to take in her niece and raise her as her own. The sisters, their mother and their family have been fighting tirelessly in court for custody of this little girl from her less than up standing “father” who wants custody of the child. It has been a never ending battle between these women and the recently paroled “sperm doaner.” These two women come from a long line of strong, loving and giving women who would give up almost anything for their children. I’ve known these sisters, their mother and their family for quite a while now. I have seen them all go through a lot but they have always done it with strength and dignity. They have given of themselves in most of these situations and most of the time everyone is better for it.

The other story was from a friend of mine who works in the family court system and a case of domestic violence she’s been working on. The woman had been abused for some time by her boyfriend. One night she had enough and called the police but not before the boyfriend belted her around a few times nearly knocking her eye out of its socket. When she tried to call 911 he knocked the phone out of her hand and called the police claiming he was being abused. When the police arrived she was a bloody mess barely able to stand and he had A SCRATCH on him. But she was the one hauled away in handcuffs. My friend and her team have been working around the clock to help this woman out of her current situation. Fighting against the rule of law is never easy even when the laws are stupid but they’re trying. They’re trying to do what’s right. Sometimes our own sense of morality and justice has to overrule law. Luckily they are not alone in this battle they’ve had some help from other with same code of righteousness as they have. Most people would have given up by now. Not these people. They are fighting for the sake of one woman who had no one else in her corner. They are TRYING to do good. I realize in most situations our hands are tied by the rule of law. But as humans we should realize also there are times where the law needs to be bent to do what’s right. By no means is this over for my friend or this woman but at least there’s still hope.

It could just be that time of year where Christmas brings out the best in us. Or maybe I just never noticed before but I am seeing little glimpses of humanity more and more lately. In everyday things like a little girl saying ‘thank you’, a young man holding the door open for an elderly woman who is having difficulty, waving someone on before you at a stop sign, people saying ‘Hi’ or ‘Merry Christmas’ to each other or just random smiles. Maybe there is still hope for humanity and the world if good people like us still exist in it.

I think as we get older we become a little more cynical about life and people in the world. In those cases experience usually plays a big part in altering our earthly perception. I know it did for me. I didn’t start off with a lot of hope for my future; at one point I didn’t think I’d have a future at all. It was rough for me when I was younger. I pretty much had to go it alone most of the time and learn to “roll with the punches” let’s say. With time though wounds heal but they do leave some long lasting scars. Over the past few years I’ve learned not to hide the scars as much as to wear them with honor. They’re a map of where I’ve been and how I got there. If it wasn’t for a few kind people who wouldn’t give it and stayed in my corner I’m not sure perception would have ever changed. They helped the most. Not with huge gestures or RAH RAH motivating speeches but just by being there. Showing me I wasn’t alone. Showing me what I was or could be. Showing me there is still some good people in world. Ones who will help you stand up and stand with you in times of need. As long as people like that are still around I think we’ll be ok. DING! Another angel got their wings! Merry Christmas.

Lesson Learned.

There’s scene in Priscilla Queen of the Desert where the drag queens in full frock and make up climb up King’s Canyon. Once at the top they look out over the Australian outback and the elder drag queen says, “It never ends does it? All that space.” After accomplishing what they set out to do the new queen of the trio asks, “What now?” To which the character Tic replies, “I think I want to go home.” After being out west for a bit I think I know how he feels.

It was a grand plan moving out there (the west that is.) I had chosen a beautiful location in a college town which I had visited a couple of times on vacation and loved it. I was determined to make it work! I had a plan and I was going to stick to it. But plans change, determination turns into worry and before you know you wonder if this was the right move. My answer to that is YES. Granted the plan didn’t work out quite the way I expected but it made me realize some things about myself. I needed this break to gain a new perspective on things that I’ve taken for granted, like my own city. Much like in Priscilla I guess I wasn’t taken in by all the space out here or the majesty of the landscape. If anything I was underwhelmed by it all. I understand the mountains are beautiful and there are LOADS of things to do outside. But there’s only so much sunshine a person can take! I found myself actually looking forward to overcast or rainy days so I wouldn’t feel so guilty about NOT wanting to go outside. I love those grey days where you find your favorite pub, sit, drink beers and enjoy the company of friends for the afternoon. You joke, you laugh, insult each other in a loving way….and that another thing! Sarcasm seemed to be lost out there! On more than one occasion I would make a sarcastic remark and I would be met with, “Dude, why are you so mean?” Everyone is SO freakin’ NICE! I’m not use to that! I mean, I’m sure it’s good for some people but it’s just not for me. Sometimes I felt like I was stuck in my own version of “The Stepford Wives.” I guess I need a place with a little more edge and a lot less laid backiness.

With all that being said I don’t fault the state or its people. As a matter of fact I met some great people out there and had some wonderful experiences (and beer.) In the end though it’s a nice place for me to visit (and I will again) but I shouldn’t live there. It’s just not for me. The one big thing I did learn was that you just can’t change the location if you’re hoping it will change who you are. You have to do that yourself. I thought I had changed and in the grand scheme of things I probably did change some but not enough. I found myself slipping into old habits that wished to avoid. The location wasn’t responsible for that I was. So if I was going to make this commitment of change why not do it in a place where I have friends, family, support and I feel the most comfortable. So I came back and I’m happy to be back in my city. I never realized how much this place has to offer or it inspires me. I’ve already begun to check off things I didn’t get a chance to do before I left. You truly don’t appreciate something until it’s gone and I have more of an appreciation now for the place I’m proud to call my home.

There is NO Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!

I’ve never been a Halloween person. I don’t know why I just never have. Even when I was a little kid I never really looked forward to dressing up or going out in to the cold to mooch candy from strangers. It didn’t make sense to me. Of course at that time my grandmother ran a diner where I had access to unlimited ice cream, donuts and soda. Why would I knock on doors for free food that was bad for me? I already had that!

Even now the holiday doesn’t hold any significance for me. On Halloween night I have no candy; I turn off my porch light and I DO NOT dress up…period! I will attend an odd Halloween party now and again but I’m really only there for the beer and food. The closest I come to any sort of holiday festivity is watching Hocus Pocus or The Charlie Brown Halloween special. Maybe I’ll carve a pumpkin but unlikely. This is probably an affront to my people who are reading this now. Halloween is a high holy day to the gays. Of course the gay community love any excuse to have a party hence the black, white, red and green parties. Don’t ask me to explain them even I lose track of what they all mean. Oddly enough this a holiday where to purpose is to dress up and be anything you want but they chose to wear as little clothing as possible. Or dress up as their favorite female gay icon. Just once I would like to see a homosexual dress up as George Bush not George Bush after an S & M encounter. All Hallows Eve is supposed to be the night the veil between the living and the dead is lifted and the dead can roam the earth. I guess it’s just me but I’d rather not face possible demonic possession or ghostly contact dressed as Bette Midler or a giant banana.

By the way, I also poo-poo any pumpkin beer, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin shakes or any sort of pumpkin related product people salivate over this time of year. It seems like as soon as the leaves start to turn everyone turns into Pavlov’s dog. I love autumn as much as the next guy but pumpkins should be raised to royalty status whenever fall rolls around. Let’s save that for the turkey at Thanksgiving.

So just a friendly warning to all: keep your costumed children away from my house. If you do knock even with the porch light off (it’s happened) don’t expect to me to answer. If you do invite me to a Halloween party DO NOT expect me to dress up (outside of a “This is my costume” t-shirt.) Finally, if I’m at your bar don’t even think of offering me whatever pumpkin brew you have on tap that you have been trying to push since mid-August. With that being said prank are open season. So watch your trees for toilet paper, windows for soap and if you hear the doorbell ring then smell smoke or something funky…well you know. JUST KIDDING! Maybe.

Friends from All Walks of Life...even Connecticut.

When it comes to friends I have a WIDE variety of them. I have younger friends, older friends, short ones, tall ones, weird ones, tattooed ones, scary ones, angry ones and British ones. I think it’s important to have such a spectrum of people in your life. Having too many like minded people could cause a Borg-esque mentality and before you know it the Federation is on your tail bent on your hive’s destruction. But I digress. Recently I got to spend some time with one of my more diverse friends. We’ll call him “AJ.”

Before moving to Colorado I was lucky enough to have some friends who already lived here; one of them being “AJ”. I met him a few years ago when he was in western New York for work. I hadn’t met anyone quite like “AJ” before. He had a unique outlook on life. In short “AJ” has and comes from shall we say a COMFORTABLE background I mean; I’ve known people in my lifetime who have had bank but not let’s say, “Choke a horse currency.” I went shopping with “AJ” once and he dropped a ridiculous amount on clothes just because he ran out of clean ones. Granted he was on an extended stay of a business trip once but still. He blew what I spend on clothes in a year in less than an hour. When you operate on that level of finances you tend to have a unique perspective of life than most of us. Some would say warped or out of touch with reality but I say different. “AJ” certainly does add another dimension in the way I view the simpler things in life and I hope I inject a new perspective into his.

Recently I had 2 interviews in the same day in Boulder and instead of driving back to Fort Collins I asked “AJ” if I could stay the night at his place. He said, “Of course” and gave me the address. As it stands Boulder is a pretty expensive place to live. “AJ” being “AJ” lives a notch above that in the northern part of town. Now I had already taken a ride in his new Silicon Valley electric automobile…you know what I’m sayin’. So I had a bit of an idea what his joint may look like. I’d say I was a BIT off the mark with my expectations. He lives (alone mind you) in a beautiful 4 bedroom/4 bathroom home complete with a salt water hot tub, custom recess lighting and a charging station in the garage for the car. If I had any sense I should have staged a sit in and refused to go until I was forcibly removed. But I was only there for the night and I wanted to visit with my friend.

Once I got settled and had a tour of “the grounds” we unplugged the car, piled in and headed off to dinner. We left a little early because “AJ” had to run a few errands first. One was to get the car washed which for the most part was pretty uneventful. But it did remind me of how precise “AJ” is in the way he likes things done. Like showing the towel boys at the car wash exactly where they missed. Don’t get me wrong he was in NO way rude or mean to the carwash kids and he does tip for a job well done. He just likes things the way he likes them. Not a bad trait really. The second stop we had to make was the mall. “AJ” was searching for an article of clothing that is orange. Another side of “AJ” most people don’t know is that he is a spiritual person. To be honest I’m not sure how it all ties into his whole lifestyle but from what I know of him he does try to embrace values behind the teachings. Hence why were searching for a piece of orange clothing; something to do with his chakra, chi or something. Once we found this soul centering garment “AJ” and I were off to dinner.

“AJ” had made reservations at this quaint yet pricey bistro the next town over. It was a cool but comfortable night so we decided to sit outside and enjoy the evening along with the Joan Collins wannabe strumming the guitar. We hadn’t seen each other for a while so we a lot to catch up on. He had been in the Boulder area for a while now and that he was thinking about moving to Seattle next summer. Since I’ve known him “AJ” has had many jobs and hobbies to keep him occupied. His latest endeavor is becoming an audio engineer. He told me he’s working at a studio learning the trade and he’s also gone as far as to start building a studio in his house. That is one thing I do appreciate about him when he wants to do something he does it. Not just half way but he dives in with both feet and a credit card strapped to his side. Funny thing is he doesn’t understand how more people don’t just do what they want. Why more people don’t just pick up and change their lives on a whim. Buy a plane and learn to fly. Take a pilgrimage to Machu Picchu. Stay in the swankiest hotels or move every few years to whatever city they’d like. On some level he doesn’t get that most people don’t have the resources to do that. Most people have families, responsibilities, debt and they can’t just take off whenever they like; as much as they’d like to. But you have to admire him for that blissful ignorance. Whether he knows it or not he has ability to just do it and not worry about the outcome because he’ll recover. He has a safety net. He essentially does what we all should do, live in the present.

After dinner we went back to his house and continued our conversation while soaking in the salt water hot tub. I told him I was seeing someone and that it happened just before I was about to move but despite the distance we decided to stay together. We also decided to be open to other options considering the distance and we would be completely honest with each other. With that being said neither one of us has acted on it to date. We’re kind of lazy like that. “AJ” wants a relationship but hasn’t had the best of luck with them. He has an image in his head what he would like, he’s looking for someone who is one the same spiritual level as he is but who has the resources to pick up a fly to Paris for the weekend at a moment’s notice. Personally I think the only way he’s going to get that kind of combination is if he starts dating Oprah. You never know there could be someone out there that fits those criteria. I didn’t expect to find my guy (as poorly timed as it was) so there’s still hope for “AJ”. After a good soak and deep conversation we both decided it was time for bed.

The next day we got up and went to breakfast. “AJ” had some errands to run so I asked if he minded if I stuck around for a while. He said, “Of course.” Gave me to code to the house and spent the rest of the afternoon lounging on the couch with a blanket, the fifty inch flat screen and TiVo. When he got back we went into Boulder to this New Age bookstore we both like to hang out for a while. A reading and a couple of yogi book purchases we parted ways and I headed back. It was nice to visit with my friend and catch up. Even with his slightly skewed view on life “AJ” is a good person. That’s all I really care about. A lot of people with his upbringing are usually not. He is a giving person who just wants to see people to succeed and be happy. An example of that is offered to fly my guy out to see me. Though his world view is a bit left of center he’s the kind of friend anyone would want. He’s someone who is smart and funny (sometimes), who offers a different perspective to my life that I wouldn’t even have considered before, he lives in the present and deep down he’s a good hearted, generous person. I’m glad he’s my friend. Check is in the mail. ;)

So this Prairie Dog walks into King Sooper...

I saw my first prairie dog the other day. It wasn’t during a hike or even on a long walk on one of the umpteen million trails they have out here the rocky mountain state. It was while I was trying to figure out “the grid” of Fort Collins driving down the main drag which runs through the town. The furry little guy was trying to make his way across a 4 lane street in an attempt to, what looked like, get to King Sooper to pick up some provisions. A point of reference for those of you in New York, imagine if Wegmans and Tops had a baby that’s King Sooper. In a way spotting that rodent dodging cars trying to make his way to the other side signified a long line of firsts for me out here and reminded me it’s tough being the new kid in town.

Since I’ve arrived out here a little over 2 weeks ago I have had to make some major adjustments. The first one being NO WEGMANS! I know to those of you who do not have Wegmans where you live this is no big deal but to those of us who grew up with or even brushed up against it, IT IS! Who would have thought a grocery store would make such an impact on someone’s life? My first week out here was the first time in my ENTIRE life I have had to go to multiple stores to get what I needed. Another thing I’ve had to adjust to was all of this sunshine! It is unbelievable! Just after I moved here friends of mine took me to a music festival here in town. Once we got into the festival she said we had to stop at the information desk. I asked her, “What for?” I assumed living here for quite a while she knew her way around. She said, “We need sunscreen.” Imagine my puzzled look after living in Rochester, NY for so long that I actually might get sunburn just walking around a festival. That was just crazy talk to me. But she wasn’t wrong. Just spending a few minutes in the sun I felt like a piece bacon in a skillet. Being new in town you forget you’re that much closer to the sun out here. I was actually kind of happy when it was overcast here for a couple of days and almost giddy when it rained. I felt justified staying indoors and not being out on the one of many, many “beautiful days” in Colorado. Another thing I had to get use to along with all of the sun light was how NICE everyone is out here. It’s just downright weird. For example, I was crossing the street the other day with the signal when this person came around the corner and stopped short of bumping me. Stopped short out here means she was a good 8-9 feet away and came around the corner at about 3 mph. As I reached the other side of the street the person actually pulled over to apologize and explain to me why she almost hit me. In New York somehow this would have been my fault and horns would have been blasting to remind me of that fact. But not here, it’s like living in Canada.

Another thing I have noticed is that there are an ABUNDANCE of breweries here but hardly anyone drinks! I don’t get that! It’s like beer Disneyland out here! I have also noticed that since I have not yet adjusted to the altitude I have had to cut back a bit. I know it saddens me too. I’m hoping to be back in full force in a few weeks. For as many breweries that I’ve seen I have seen just as many bikes. At first glance you would think that the bikes outnumber the people in town. Much like in LA where people are slaves to their cars in Fort Collins people are slaves to their bikes. It’s almost like The Invasion of the Body Snatchers but with spokes and a hipster bell. Most of the time you can’t tell where the rider begins and the bikes ends. Along with everything else I have had to become accustom to I have found some familiar things. In the short time I have been here I have either met or heard of at least 10 Rochester ex-pats who live in or around Fort Collins. I have also found a comfortable bar, diner and bookstore I can go to when I’m feeling overwhelmed. And of course there’s always Starbucks. I realize I’m in a transition period now and it will take some time to become familiar to my new surroundings. Much like anything that’s good it doesn’t come easy. Slowly I will come around, find my way and adjust to my new home. But for right now, I’m stumbling in the dark looking for the light switch bumping into walls.